Ragna vs the World
by BIBOTOT
Summary: All Ragna the Bloodedge wants is a nice, warm, quiet day. But how is he going to get one when eveyone is trying to get him instead? Read and review.


_ At Kagutsuchi port._

"Ragna the Bloodedge, you're under arrest," Noel yelled as she summoned her dual Ars Magus pistols. "Do not resist or you will be dealt with full authority."

The super-class criminal, a young adult in red coat, waved his hand wearily. "Look, Noel, I'm in no mood to fight right now, so why don't you…"

"Hands on the ground," the blond girl went on. "And drop your weapon." It seemed that consoling with her would be next to impossible, or next to that. With a tired sigh, Ragna made a withdrawal move and stepped back. A second later, he sprinted.

"Get back here!" Noel shouted. "I said get back here!"  
The two chased each other through the streets while avoiding people in their way.

"Carnage Scissor!"  
"Bullet Storm!"

Ragna could fight, and he could win. But wasting strength in a meaningless battle like that didn't sound much appealing, so he retreated. Besides, there were better things to do rather than this.

_At the Hanging Garden._

Finally, no sign of Noel. Though he was sure he lost her in the first stage of the chase, he wanted to get away as far as possible from the ever-annoying lieutenant. Just as Ragna thought he was safe, a man wearing blue uniform jumped from a trash bin.

"Brother," cried Jin. "So happy you could join me here. I've been waiting you for hours."

Ragna froze. "Wait, you have been waiting me for hours IN THAT GABBAGE BIN?"

The Major shrugged. "The wait is worth," he said bluntly. A hideous miasma emitted from his body which draped on him like a great cloak. Several upper-classes were covering their nose and running away. A poor little bird dropped dead, killed by the smell.

"Please," said Ragna. "I will fight you. But only if you take a bath first. I hate fighting dirty."

"I will take a bath, brother," Jin exclaimed. "But I will take it IN YOUR BLOOD! Prepare to die, brother!" Two ice-swords flew at Ragna. In deft movements, Ragna drew his sword and slashed them apart.

"You're good, brother." Jin licked his upper lip in a venomous manner, which raised the hair on Ragna's back. "But let's see how long can you dodge."

_At Ronin Gai._

"Ahh. So the most dangerous criminal of all time, Ragna the Bloodedge has come here at last. You think I will just step aside and let you terrorize these innocent, defenseless civilians. NO! I, BANG SHISHIGAMI, will not, never allow such. In the name of love and justice, I will vanquish you!"

No sooner did the big-mouthed ninja finish his quotes than a rapturous applause arose from his subordinates who were wearing terribly colorful costumes.

"That's right boss."

"You are the man."

"I love you, boss."

"Watch out Ragna the Bloodedge, for there is at least one ninja here who doesn't tolerate violation."

"Violation?" shouted Ragna, aghast. "I'm the one who's being violated around here. Don't you people have anything better to do? Picking your nose, for example?"

Bang picked his nose, an action soon mimicked by all his subordinates. What they pulled out was…unthinkable. Well, they hadn't been picking their noses for quite a while (no one knows how long), so that was more or less not so much surprising.

"I've undergone your arduous challenge," Bang announced with a vigorous tone as if he was boasting some great achievement. "Now it's time you'll pay for your crime against humanity!"

_At Area 28._

"Azure…azure…I sen-sense thee presence of…azure….Must eat…azure. Ahahahah!" The blob-like creature let out a sick laughter as it airborne from the ceiling, swarms of insects hovering around it. A mouth began to open that seemed capable of devouring Ragna whole. The man in red took a leap backward, barely avoiding it.

"Great, now you too." Ragna straightened up, blocking constant blows from bug-like oversized arms and the torrential rain of deformed Arthropodas with crimson miasma.

"I…reee-sent obstruction…impediment…resistance…," Arakune spoke, his voice distorted like a broken radio. "Give…up…now…!"

_At the circus._

"Ragna the Bloodedge, I've finally found you," said the blond-hair boy wearing a hat which looked equal to his height. He was flanked by a combat doll with gigantic power claws. "The NOL pay sweetly for your arrest, but I have my own agenda. The Blazblue engine. Give it to me now, and I might let you go in peace."

"Back off shorty," Ragna warned. "And what do you want from the Blazblue anyway? It's dangerous to say for the least."

"I don't care," Carl countered. "As long as there's still hope to save my sister, I will do whatever it takes."

Nirvana extended an arm towards Ragna, knocking him sideway.

"Now, sis," Carl urged. "Let's finish him."

"This is all insanity," Ragna declared as he slipped through between the doll's feet, only to end up taking a full blow from a robot resembling a knight with spear which emerged from Carl's sleeves. For the first time since the chase, Ragna was taking injuries. Realizing he had no opportunity in this, Ragna dashed away swiftly like a rabbit.

"After him," cried the boy. "Don't let him get away."

_At Lost Town, Kaka village._

"There you are goodguy," called the catgirl with obscured face. "Tao is really energetic today. Let's go and play."

"I don't have time for that right now," replied Ragna. "I've got, well…other things to do. So, later."

"Awww. You're no fun at all, goodguy. It looks like Tao is going to have to beat the crap out of you."

Ragna was truly terrified at this point. "Wait wait wait. Not you too."

"Me too," cried Platinum (Luna).

"Are you sure you want to fight him?" asked Platinum (Sena). "His physique is…rather impressive."

"Oh, stop being such a pussy, Sena. Luna eats this kind of pervert for breakfast."

"Breakfast?" cried Taokaka. "But it's lunch already. Nevertheless, Tao wouldn't mind eating breakfast for lunch. Yum. When will we begin?"

"Right after we kick the ass out of this bad boy," said Platinum (Luna) impishly.

_At Sheol Gate_.

"The Black Beast, we've met again," said the white samurai as he brandished his katana. "This time, I will end this once and for all. I am the white void. I am the cold steel. I am the just sword. With blade in hand shall I rip the sin of this world, and cleanse it in the fire of destruction. I am Hakumen. The end has come."

Ragna shuddered. "Why is everybody trying to kill me?"

"Because you are the incarnation of evil, the essence of darkness, the embodiment of the unholiness," Hakumen put in helpfully. "Now die!"

_At Sheol Gate, part 2._

"Ragna. There you are. Nu has been waiting for you so long. Now we can become one, and destroy this world."

"Shut up," Ragna demanded. "Shut the hell up."

"Those are one and the same," the girl in armor continued. "You know it hurt so much last time...! When you lashed out at me, I thought I was a goner. But no more. It is our destiny to be like this."

"I told you to shut up. And stop smiling. You're seriously freaking me out."

_At Monorail._

The Red Devil was standing in his way."Mister Ragna the Bloodedge. I have been given order from Kokonoe to detain you and bring you back to her lab."

"Huh? Why so?"

"Because…"

"Becaaause," Kokonoe chimed in though the communiqué mounted on Tager's shoulder. "My last human specimen just horrifically died after a hazardous experiment. And you are just the right substitution."

"Arghhhh! Get away from me."

_At Rachel's Castle, Requiem._

"I told you there would come a time when you come back," said the haughty little vampire. "So I've prepared you a new maid suit. What do you think of that?"

"NOOOOOOO!"

Ragna finally reached a corner at Orient Town. Well, it was a crossroad actually which spread into five routes. In one direction came an angry mob of people who wanted to capture him: Noel Vermillion, Bang Shishigami and Carl Clover. In the one opposite to that were characters just desired to decimate him for no reason at all, namely Jin Kisaragi, Hakumen and Nu. To his left were the ones liked to make further humiliation out of him and make his sustaining reputation become problematic: Rachel and Kokonoe. And in front of him right now were the troublesome types: Taokaka and Platinum. There was one way which no Blazblue character was coming for him, but a nasty ghost was standing there so Ragna discounted that possibility.

They all screamed HIS name. Ragna wished for a miracle to happen, and it did, though not in the form as he had anticipated. There was a flash of light, and a moment later he found himself standing in the middle of Litchi's clinic.

"Thanks, doc," said Ragna in relief. "You really save me there."

"Tell, me, Ragna the Bloodedge," Litchi began. Her face was deep red and there was something unusual about the way she speak that alarmed Ragna. "You are the most dangerous criminal in history. Don't you ever get bored of wearing the same costume everyday?"

Ragna finally recognized the scent: alcohol. "Wait, doc, have you been drinking?"

"Just a little," Litchi admitted. "Now, for the question I asked you."

Ragna panicked. He ran for the nearest exit but in vain. The door had been locked, and by the look of it, it would take a nuclear bomb to break the magical barrier that sealed it. Ragna reached for his sword, it was gone now.

"You poor thing," Litchi went on sleepily. "But don't you worry. I've got a stock of clothes just for you. I've never played dressed-up with a boy before, so this should be fun."

Ragna appeared to lose even more color, if that were possible to begin with.

"GET ME OUT OF THIS FANFIC!"


End file.
